7 Things

For my cousin…..Who is more like me than I ever realized!

Seven little known facts:
#1 I completely manipulated Dennis Horrigan into giving me my first kiss!!
It was one of those crushes you get when you don’t even know it’s a crush. I think I was about 8 or so and I was sooooo nervous around him that I couldn’t sit in his house. Everyone else would make it a point to sit down so I would feel more comfortable and relaxed, but it didn’t seem to help. I just stood there in the middle of the room completely aware of my pulse and my knees and having no idea how to get the latter to bend so that I might lower myself to a chair! He reminded me of Elliot from ET and I was enamored with everything he did. The only way I felt comfortable around him was when I was performing, and so he became the ‘manager’ of our little dance company! Yep, we were about 9 or 10 and our troupe consisted of Erica, Meghan, and yours truly! We would do routines to Madonna songs and he would watch and critique and sometimes even join in!!!
Erica confessed to me that she had a crush on Dennis and I thought I was going to faint. I had never admitted my crush to anyone, save my journal, and there was NO WAY she was going to get him. So, I devised a plan to ensure that he wouldn’t run off and marry Erica (at the ripe age of 9). Dennis’s sister, and my best friend, Meghan and I wrote out a script to a highly contrived event that would convince Erica that Dennis had a crush on me. BRILLIANT!!!! It was all based around the dance troupe, and during one of our (INSERT SARCASTIC TONE) backbreaking rehearsals for ‘True Blue, Baby I Love You!’, Dennis would tell me to fix something and I would storm off. Being the great manager that he was he would follow me to resolve the issue and Meghan and Erica would be left alone. Meghan would then convince Erica to follow us to see what was going on and the trap was set! Dennis seated next to me would be talking about the dance troupe and in the middle of our conversation, and in plain view for Erica he would kiss me. It was rehearsed as a stage kiss, kinda. I had long hair at the time and told him that I would just turn my head so my hair was covering our faces and he wouldn’t have to really kiss me. GOD I WANTED HIM TO KISS ME!!!!!!! We must have rehearsed this thing 20 times and on one of the final rehearsals with my hair blocking our faces our lips touched. He kissed me, and I think I blacked out! I don’t remember walking home ( across the street) I do remember burning the rice that night as I was in charge of the stirring and was WAY TOO distracted to possibly stir anything!! AHHHH, the first manipulation is always the best! ( I still have the script somewhere)

#2 I’m a big mush. REALLY!! People generally don’t know that about me because I have a really extreme, theatrical exterior that is often mistaken for a cold persona. I’m working on letting people see the nicer softer side of me, but it’s a little scary. Don’t get me wrong, I can turn on the fiery Irish Sicilian temper faster than you can say “Oh Sh_ _!”, but I’m also a romantic optimist!

#3 My mother was right. I should have taken dance lessons. I was a dancer before I was a singer, hence the dance troupe. People usually associate me with singing now and have no idea that my first passion as a performer was dance. The argument I made at the time was that I danced as a form of pleasure and didn’t want the restrictions placed on me that I thought would come with formal dance lessons. I just recently took a series of Hip Hop Dance classes from my friend Michael and remembered how much I loved dancing. Sorry Mom, I should have listened to you!

#4 I had two ducks named Sush and Quackers when I was little. I was with my mom at a florist around Easter and there were baby ducks in the window, so I asked if I could get some and she said YES!!! I thought, ‘wait a minute, I take that back, can I have a pony instead?’ We raised them in the house and then in the back yard until they got too big. I have pictures of them in the bathtub swimming around!

#5 I was an X-FILES FREAK! I used to put a huge X in my window in college to signal all my friends to come over and watch the episodes. My good friend Kim VanTine would be dropped off at my house, when I lived at home during high school, just for the show and then we would talk about the episodes for hours. ‘The Truth is Out There”

#6 I own over 200 pairs of shoes and I’m still acquiring more!! Can anyone say Carrie Bradshaw?

#7 This one is even new to me…. After doing some introspective research as well as on line research I’ve discovered that I’m NeoPagan.

So, Caren, there you go! You are likely the only person I know who checks my blog even remotely regularly, so enjoy learning about your own cousin!

The relationship addiction.

It’s the one addiction that this whole society perpetuates. People define you by it. ‘Are you married or single?’ If you’re in a relationship people want to know that you’re working on the next step, moving in, getting married, having children……..
If you’re single people want to know why? They also want to know that you’ve not given up on the idea of being IN a relationship. My little cousins, all of 7 and 9 asked me if I was EVER going to get married. I told them honestly “I don’t know if I will or if I’d want to.” They looked destroyed.

Then this great thing happened~ the three of us started singing their favorite song, Love Song, with the 3 year old trying to help out as best she could!! I’ve listened to the song before, but in this context it was remarkably therapeutic. It should be the theme song for those of us refusing to be pressured into things that are not right for us. For those of you who are not familiar with the lyrics here they are:

Head under water

And they tell me to breathe easy for a while

Breathing gets harder, even I know that

Made room for me, it's too soon to seeIf I'm happy in your hands

I'm unusually hard to hold on to

Blank stares at blank pages

No easy way to say this

You mean well, but you make this hard on me

I'm not gonna write you a love song

'Cause you asked for it'Cause you need one,

you seeI'm not gonna write you a love song

'Cause you tell me it's

Make or break in this

If you're on your way

I'm not gonna write you to stay

If all you have is leaving

I'm gonna need a betterReason

to write you a love song today

I learned the hard way

That they all say things you want to hear

My heavy heart sinks deep down under

And you and your twisted words,

Your help just hurts

You are not what I thought you were

Hello to high and dry

Convinced me to please you

Made me think that I need this too

I'm trying to let you hear me as I am

Promise me that you'll leave the light on

To help me see with daylight, my guide, gone

'Cause I believe there's a way you can love me

Because I sayI won't write you a love song

'Cause you asked for it

'Cause you need one, you seeI'm not gonna write you a love song

'Cause you tell me it's make or break in this

Is that why you wanted a love song

'Cause you asked for it

'Cause you need one, you seeI'm not gonna write you a love song

'Cause you tell me it's make or break in this

If you're on your way

I'm not gonna write you to stay

If your heart is nowhere in it

I don't want it for a minute

Babe, I'll walk the seven seas

When I believe that there's a reason to

Write you a love song today

An Introduction to my other side...

An Introduction to my other side

It’s an interesting day when you find yourself suddenly able to see clearly. Even if what you see isn’t society’s definition of the best image, its right there in front of you and you can’t alter it with Photoshop or filters and you shouldn’t….

Sometimes it takes destroying the filters to really see what you need to see. I’m constantly surprised by the energy of the universe and its ability to send you what you need or what you need to choose.

I’m a relationship addict.

Sounds harmless right? It’s not. It’s ugly, and it destroys people, and me. I lose sight of myself for the sake of the relationship. I know they have all been wrong but I stay in them. I’ve literally had this moment in my past four major relationships:

Him: “I love you”
Me: “I love you too”…..
Him: Exit stage left or Exit from car or Exit from house……
Me: “No I don’t”

The sick part is that I’m really good at being single, I’m an only child who likes to be alone and not at the beck and call of someone else. So, you must be asking why put yourself through that Kelly? The most recent breakup ended oddly, it was an odd relationship to start with, but the ending was strange and revealing. I finally got it; I finally know why I stay in these things.

I compartmentalize. Relationships are the only vehicle that I allow my softer, gentler, fragile side to ride in. When I’m not in a relationship I bury her, deep, deep, deep under ground. My girlfriends don’t see her, my parents rarely see her but my boyfriends not only bring with them the shovel needed to uncover her, they create the opposite effect. My softer, gentler fragile side wants as much time above ground as possible, even if it means staying in something that isn’t right. Even if it means that my girlfriends don’t see me and my parents rarely see me. When these relationships end, with the inevitable resurgence of the powerful side of me I mourn the death of her and watch her swallow the dirt again.

So, now I’m trying to take the time to allow her access to my girlfriends and my parents all while maintaining the balance of the powerful side as well. A ‘me’ with Yin and Yang, which is harder than it sounds. She’s almost ready to greet the world and I hope you’ll all welcome her!

SEX and the CITY......

The most important thing in life is your family. There are days you love them, and others you don't. But, in the end, they're the people you always come home to. Sometimes it's the family you're born into and sometimes it's the one you make for yourself.
~Carrie~
Join me for a night of

Queen City Style
When:
May 31st
What:
Cocktails and appetizers at
Cecelia's Ristorante
716 Elmwood Ave Buffalo, NY 14222Phone: (716) 883-8066
What time:
7pm – 9pm
What to wear:

ANYTHING FABULOUS & BEFITTING A SEX AND THE CITY MOVIE PREMIER!
What then?
Make our Fabulous way to the movie at the
Market Arcade in the Theater District of downtown Queen City Buffalo

What happens after?
Bijou Grille right next door for after movie fodder and more drinks & if a sweet tooth should come upon us we’ll try out Chow Chocolate on main!
RSVP by May 24th
Kelly Meg Brennan
To this BLOG

The girls can’t wait to see you!

A Woman Should know....

Maya Angelou knows women.

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...

enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own, even if she never wants to or needs to...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..

something perfect to wear if the employer, or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..

a youth she's content to leave behind....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..

a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .....

a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .

one friend who always makes her laugh.. and one who lets her cry...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....

a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..

eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal, that will make her guests feel honored...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..

a feeling of control over her destiny...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW..

how to fall in love without losing herself..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

how to quit a job,
break up with a lover,
and confront a friend without;
ruining the friendship...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

when to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

that she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

that her childhood may not have been perfect..but it's over...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to live alone even if she doesn't like it...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW..

whom she can trust,
whom she can't,
and why she shouldn't take it personally...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

where to go...
be it to her best friend's kitchen table...
or a charming inn in the woods..
when her soul needs soothing...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

what she can and can't accomplish in a day...
a month...and a year...

The NON Negotiable

A good friend of mine mentioned this concept to me recently, and I thought it worthy of sharing. It’s the theory of The Non Negotiable. We all have standards right? We are well aware of the things we would require in a vehicle or a job or house, right? Are we as aware of our requirements for a partner? With all these “helpful” dating services popping up all over the internet, you’d think we’d have our menu pretty well organized:

Appetizers: The delicious smile that starts the night out with a warm connection
Entrée: Confident display of social etiquette lightly drizzled with sex appeal served with a side of humor and a saucy agility on the dance floor
Sweet Endings: Mouth watering respect for you!

I know that these are far too vague to pin point any particular man, besides anyone with two brain cells can project that sort of persona when they’re out on the town~ but is it real? The Non Negotiable is far more specific in its descriptions and serves as a tool to sift through the facades.

The idea behind the NON Negotiable list is that all the points carry the same weight! We are not talking about eye color folks; these are the core fundamental things that you WILL NOT budge on! It’s amazing what you come up with when you’re not distracted by a ‘boyfriend’ you are conforming TO!!
I came up with about 20 points in less than ten minutes and then looked over the list only to find that I had NOT been true to these standards for the last FIVE boyfriends. One of the issues that present’s itself is the environment you’re in. For instance, you can certainly have BRITISH UPBRINGING on your list, but if you live on a farm in Kansas…Brit’s aren’t exactly falling out of the sky Dorothy! That doesn’t mean that Dorothy should forgo her desire for dry wit and bad teeth… but if what you’re looking for isn’t around~ part of your plan needs to be …. FIND IT!!

The friend who recommended this approach also agreed with me on another interesting point about this NON Negotiable list; that is to share it with a friend. Here is the thought process:
You KNOW you
They KNOW you
They HAVE a RELATIONSHIP with you …. Ah ha! See~ how you are perceived can help determine some more details for that list!!

Men and Women of the dating world, what’s on your menu??

BEING

Sounds like a simplistic concept. Just be yourself. Who the hell are we anyway? Are we all a concoction of our environments and heritage and that bully who knocked our books out of our hands in junior high? How young are we when that initial concept is lost and the evolutionary idea of conformity emerges? We all conform to our surroundings in some matter, whether consciously or subconsciously. Even those of us who ooze self confidence, are condemned to conform if only to make those less confident feel better about themselves. It’s irritating. Especially irritating when you realize how much time you’ve wasted conforming and how unsatisfied you are with what and who you’ve acquired in your life under the guise of ‘being yourself~ modified to their liking’. It’s that moment when you look back and say ‘why did I waste my time with that or them’ and then the realization hits: I was conforming to get something from them. As selfish as that statement may seem, it’s usually the case.

I wasted a serious amount of time conforming to boyfriends. I’m talking about camping and horseback riding here people. Even if you don’t know me you can tell from this site that you would have to drag me behind one to get me anywhere near a horse! I also found myself playing the penny slots to satisfy one boyfriends desire to hit the casino and subsequently lost the rent money, can you say ‘Winner!’ I knew how to pick em’ huh! I mean COME ON! Now don’t get me wrong, I understand the need for give and take in any relationship but there needs to be some sort of standard. We women have a tough time setting standards for ourselves when it comes to men. We are taught to make people feel comfortable from early on and that idea seeps its way into our decision making when it comes to the dating world. Shooting guys down is not as easy as reality TV makes it out to be. Contrary to popular belief, we don’t enjoy it. Heck, we conform to some of the biggest losers just so we don’t have to shoot them down. How ridiculous is that??!!

Well, I’m done. I don’t conform for them anymore and it’s great. Funny thing is that I managed to bump into one who doesn’t want me to! Go figure. He actually got upset when he thought I wasn’t being ‘true’ to myself. The statement was interesting “Why waste your time with me if I’m not what you really want? If you tell me something about yourself that is important to you and I’m not cool with it, you can decide I’m not for you and you’ve saved yourself a mistake”

So Ladies~ Stop conforming and you might just run into exactly what you want!

FAMILIAR STRANGERS we all know

Last week I had the privilege of watching a preview performance of "Familiar Strangers" by Micheal Walline at Musical Fare. It's an interesting phenomenon to study at a conservatory, in that it encourages a segregation of the arts. With my major in Opera the concentration of my school work was entirely centered on classical music. Co-mingling with the Musical Theater Majors or Dance majors or even the Theater majors was almost discouraged. We didn't take dance classes and they didn't take our classes. No one from the Musical Theater school was allowed to audition for the operas and we couldn't be in the musicals. I guess their methodology worked to some extent. I still consider myself a classically trained Opera singer though I've been in more Musicals and Plays than operas. One thing I know I'm not: a dancer I am what the musical theater community refers to as a 'mover'.
Micheal had wanted some people in the audience from the theater community who might be able to offer their opinions and insights about the performance. I agreed to go, but in the back of my mind I kept thinking "but I'm a mover, how am I going to offer an educated opinion on a show that is very dance heavy?" After the first number, my concerns vanished. This show is remarkable. Moving, insightful, visually stunning, and human. You certainly do not need an education in dance to appreciate the messages of this piece. Even with the inevitable pause that is bound to occur during a working rehearsal the momentum of the show carries you on a universal journey. Each Joni Mitchell song has a beginning middle and end, but the odd element is that you want to wait to applaud until the stories resolve themselves. It's like being at a symphony, where the movements are their own but the message is the whole piece.
I encourage everyone to see this profound show. I will not get into details about the content because part of the journey is your own interpretation of everything you see.

SPREADING GOOD KARMA!

Welcome 2007!! I attended two very distinctive parties last night. The first was sort of a last minute add on to the evenings festivities, but worth the adjustment! I'm always so impressed by large groups of diverse people co-mingling based on a meshed history. I was the outsider of this historic pack and made to feel very much a part of the party. Everyone was incredibly friendly and accommodating! People watching is one of my favorite past times, and often used as a study guide for roles I play. There is nothing more entertaining than watching people in such close proximity as a house party especially as the 'new person". People you would not necessarily group together at first blush were existing at this party in such a natural relaxed way, that it was inspiring.
My generation of friends all escaped this city fairly quickly after high school never to be seen again. I headed off to Cincinnati and then to L.A. only to return to new faces in my old home town. I've managed to become engrossed in the theater / ingram world, but the history is not there. People at this party had stories from pre-school with each other; something they may take for granted having never lost each other. I often wonder what happened to Stephanie from the sixth grade and Jaimie from junior high. I don't think I'd even recognize them today. Kudos to you and yours for staying together while you've changed.
The second party was more of what I'm used to: a slight history. I arrived with Amy, one of my oldest friends, at at party with people I've had conversations with but who know little about me. Anyone who actually reads my entire blog knows more about me than these people. They were all very sociable and polite. One of these acquaintances, Justin, had been drinking when his cousin asked for a ride to another party. Justin was responsible enough to know that he couldn't drive and I knew that I hadn't had a drink all night so I offered to drive them. You'd have thought I was offering my kidneys. People were truly shocked that a 'stranger' would offer to drive people around the city. Justin went with me, as he was the only connection I had to the passengers. It was a rewarding evening of great conversation that lasted till 4am and now I feel that I am closer to new friends that had been merely acquaintances only a few hours before in 2006...
Today I was rewarded for my good karma by VERIZON Wireless...with a new FREE razor phone. HEHE!! I even continued with the concept by buying the technician a Venti Vanilla Latte from Starbucks for being so awesome about the whole thing!! Keep it going all the way through 2008~ and it will be a very good year!

Albright Knox

You would think that someone involved in theater would excel at the art of communication, right? Every conflict from classic drama to farce can be traced back to some form of miscommunication. We spend countless hours in rehearsal trying to get desired reactions from scene partners using various forms of communication. Each carefully directed action on stage is used to communicate something to the eager audience. So why is it that the basic elements of communication deteriorate in real life everywhere you turn? Have you ever looked back and thought “Had I only said ______, things might have been different.” On Christmas morning I had a moment like that. I sent a friendly text out early in the day wishing everyone a “Merry Christmas” and I got a reply I was not expecting. It was generic in form and I’m certain meant only as a polite reply. I stared at it for a second. I thought I was seeing the wrong name and then I realized I wasn’t.

Last spring I met a confidant, witty, eager, adventurous, guy. He was unique. You see, I’m not the sort of female that men hit on in bars; I’ve been told that I’m threatening. I usually have to be the one to break the ice. Not only did he hit on me, he did it in front of the guy I was there with! I shot him down when he gave the wrong decade for his birthday ~ he was young, almost too young! I told him to find someone his own age in the bar and he left, only to return minutes later having not found anyone comparable. (Nicely played sir) I gave an e-mail address instead of a phone number, thinking he’d have to put some effort into an e-mail if he really wanted to ‘communicate’ with me. Was I SHOCKED to see a cleaver, flattering e-mail suggesting that we meet at the Night at the Knox; an event he had heard of from a “beautiful women he once met”! The plan was to meet at the Albright Knox Art Gallery on Friday night. He admitted that he might be slightly nervous which I found interesting given his apparent display of confidence in the bar.

Friday night rolled around and although I planned on meeting him at the gallery, I figured I’d run out of things to talk about fairly quickly and be out with my friends by 10pm. Thinking I had arrived early to the Albright, I headed towards the gallery store to browse while I waited for him. I was glancing down at some Frank Lloyd Wright artwork when the bottom of a trench coat came into my peripheral view. Looking up the length of the trench coat I caught my first glimpse of him, sans bar lighting. I will admit that I like to plan my entrances and exits in life, and I usually have complete control of my reactions to make the most of each ‘scene’. I was not expecting this reaction; I was truly thrown by his presence. It took me a few minutes to take him in, and I still cannot put my finger on what was so appealing. The exhibit was oversized elements positioned in the space of the gallery. One of the rooms had a collection of enticing material on the floor and as we entered the space where the material lay, I thought I’d love to take a running leap at that. You can ask people who think they know me and they would never place that behavior in their perception of me…..do you know what he said to me, he said, “I’ll race you!” ~ Needless to say, I didn’t meet my friends at 10pm!

Unfortunately, we only hung out for a few weeks, which included a great trip to Frank Lloyd Wrights Falling Waters in P.A. Driving down through Pennsylvania we stopped off at the Grove City Outlets for some pre game shopping! He was quirky and funny and a great conversationalist!! In fact, we were so immersed in conversation that we drove 20 minutes past our exit in P.A! It was easy to spend time with him and for once, I didn’t feel like I was playing a part, he really met me. The tour of Falling Waters was beautiful, but we had forgotten to pack a camera and now had no means to capture this mini vacation! A friendly couple offered to take our picture and promised to e-mail a copy when they got home. Sadly, I received the picture after we had stopped talking and I never had the chance to show him the shot. The town that housed the stunning Wright home was truly remote; so the last night we were there we ventured to Walmart for entertainment! With hair color, shrimp, and various snack foods we headed back to the hotel! The next morning, with my violet lowlights glistening in the sun we drove home!

For such a short lived “Friendship” we packed in some interesting excursions. He helped me grab a U-haul truck to pick up three Art Deco Pieces from a North Buffalo home only to knock the Deco buffet flat on its face as he floored it out of the toll booth on the 190!! He told me he was certain I was going to kill him when he saw my face after opening the back of the truck…. I met his sister whom he adored and respected and I saw about 4,000 pictures of his friends! He acted as a fresh pair of eyes while I began my search for a home! He drew me a picture of a ‘Fire Dragon” that was remarkable and shared some elements of his life that I felt privileged to hear. We seemed to be on the brink of a great friendship and both spoke openly and honestly about where we were coming from; that is until my fatal communication slip. Instead of believing what he was saying, I decided to interpret his comment of “slowing down” as a rejection of my friendship. I made an insulting comeback, only to be interpreted one way, and lost a friend.
I was very happy to see his reply to the text of “Merry Christmas!”

Thanks David~ That was a pleasant gift!